May 30, 1997 Friday
I’m starting to get back to the summer groove. Translation: it’s only midday and I’m already dressed.
Sidney never called back about going to a movie, group or no group. Early this afternoon I called her, and Cilla her sister answered. I asked if Sidney was home. I was going to ask for some of my writings back, before she leaves for Europe on Monday. Cilla said hold on a minute, and then went through the house called for her. There was some conversation in the background, but maybe it was the TV. Finally, Cilla returned and said Sidney wasn’t home. I hated that I had a shimmer of doubt. Calling her when she doesn’t call me is hard enough.
After I hing up I went for a walk. A really long walk. While traversing all of north-west Elmwood, I thought about a lot of things. I discussed with myself the best plan of action for this summer. I wondered how I would keep busy all throughout when I couldn’t keep busy for a day. Sure, getting a job crossed my mind, but there would be a lot of logistical and car issues–and I might not be hired. I asked myself what I thought I should do, and I answered myself. The more I thought about it, the better I liked it.
When I got home I was getting more certain this is what I should do. I told Mom, and although she was skeptical in the beginning, thankfully will a phone call it was all set up. I want to do this. I know what you are thinking, but I am thinking rationally, and Sidney had only a small, indirect influence on my decision. At the present I am too idle for my own good. Time–or my specifically, empty time–is my enemy. I need new experiences so I forget my hallowness. Besides, the summer session will be more laid back, and give me time to get used to college before the fall hits. I am trying my best to begin my genesis. It is unfortunate only an exodus will provide it.
Just before I left tonight for my cousin Ray’s own high school graduation, I called Sidney for the final time. Again, it was Cilla who answered. I asked her to give her older sister a message, because Sidney still wasn’t at home. I told I would prefer if my writings were returned before she leaves for vacation, because when she returns I will be gone. That was as specific as I got. Even though it is assured I will see her before she leaves across the Atlantic, I wonder how far in the future it will be when I see her again. Will this be the goodbye? I don’t know.