May 26, 1997 Monday
Carpe diem: Seize the day. At first thought that’s a great idea, but the philosophy has one major draw back. It gives little reverence or thought for the future, or perhaps others. On this episode of Memoirs from the Edge: Carpe diem– the ultimate life mantra or the polished bad belief of reckless abandon?
Last night Dad asked me what had been bothering me lately, even though he pretty much knew. After saying I was alright a few times, I tired of it and showed him some of my writings. His advice was…blunt. He asked if I cared about her, and I said yes. He then questioned whether she likes me, and I answered that she probably would, if she could afford that luxury. Dad insisted that those feelings were all that were important. I really didn’t want to listen. It’s hard enough, without someone else trying to get me going again. Dad said I should call her, or go to her house (I nixed that one fast), take her by the arms, and tell her that I love her. I had been sitting quietly the entire time, listening, until then, but I had to kill all of those ideas. Continuing on, Dad told me I should tell her it could work out, and I loved her too much to see her go. At that point I had to overrule him. He doesn’t understand. Anyone can say, “I love you so much I can’t see you leave,” but very few can mutter, “I love you so much that I place your wants and feelings above my own.”
Taking my own advice to heart, right now the content of the “package” is in doubt. I wake up one day and want to give it all, but later it just seems stupid. What a time to be idle.