May 26, 1997 Monday
TV. It has been my salvation this week. It is amazing how we can watch, with interest, TV that is totally mindless, all while we don’t actually want to be watching it. I have yet to slip to the furthest depths, though. I still cannot tell time by the programs (another two weeks should solve that). I even sat through parts of the MTV Top 500 Videos being run through right now, when they were replaying the Top 25 for the third time. Movies can also while away many a restless hour, and I have never seen so many in such a short span of time. Just last week I rented Dead Poet’s Society and Predator (sort of on opposite ends of the spectrum, aren’t they?). Anyway, I had never seen Dead Poet’s Society before, and I thought it was great. At the end I could help my have my eyes well up. Now if I can only cry when it’s important, but I never can.
I have time.
Just now did I realize that–I have time. It has been so long. For months I was too busy to do anything but what that which what was right in front of me, and now… I have time. Before me is a virtually endless expanse of time, as if it was endless desert, or barren prairie with a never-ending azure sky above. How will my time–time I have yearned for–be spent? I haven’t the slightest idea. Perhaps that will be half the fun. Suddenly my summer looks like a rich vein of opportunity.