November 23, 1998 Monday
I really hadn’t planed on mentioning it on its own, but because it fits in the context of this entry–dreams, and in a larger sense, sleep–I will.
The last week or so I have had a lot of trouble sleeping. Most nights I am up until at least four. I try sleeping, but when that ultimately proves to be fruitless, I try to go to Lincoln Hall’s computer lab, get some food from the vending machines, or read from latest novel. I can’t pin-point my recent state of insomnia, but perhaps it has something to do with my wanting to find new ideas and understand. Maybe it’s tied to Tom going home for the spring semester, and Collinsville heading to Higgins to be an RA. It could be my secret longing to travel and go abroad, and the plans I am setting in motion. Since Sidney wrote a week or so ago and told me about how Neville is going to get a job in Galesburg until she graduates, I have paired them exclusively together in my mind. I wonder above my own personal life, and the open directions is can/will go in.
First, there is Jenny, I girl I met last weekend with Tom and lives in Thompson. Actually, I haven’t gotten to know her too well, but she bores me and strikes me as immature. There’s also Jill (I guess I’m really just running through known females broadly here) at the Campus Student for Christ house off campus. I do like going over there and seeing everyone. They are all very kind and optimistic, like a whole bunch of Flanderses. Of course Collinsville has always had a soft spot for her, and I’d never want to get on his toes about anything or anyone. It is too bad that Heather, who works as the house secretary there is about eight years old than all of us. She’s pretty great. There there is the safely-always-a-friend Sara, who I have seen a few times recently, and wanted to do something. At the same time, I know I’ll get into another relationship, eventually, and I have to consider Alex. I have seen her twice since our break-up at the beginning of the month. Once, two weeks ago, I was walked back to Lincoln, going up the stairs by the Union, went she silently went past me. I could barely get a “hey” out. Then last week I saw her in the Union, but she didn’t see me. I don’t want another ending like that. I guess that’s my point in bringing all these people from across my social spectrum, and my verdict to it all is: I’d rather just be by myself for a while. With all of these reasons swirling in my mind, it isn’t hard to see why it’s hard to sleep.
Last night I had quite a dream. I was in my dorm room, studying late at night, like most nights. I was just about to fall asleep on my geography notes when I heard a commotion in the hallway. I went to the door, but before I could get there the wooden door was thrown open, and several black-clad soldiers rush in. You know, the super-solder special forces type. Anyway, the one closest to me ordered me to evacuate the building because there was a bomb somewhere. I don’t have time to think, let alone say something, before I found myself stuffed in an elevator with other people on my 12th floor. The elevator jiggled and shook, and everyone was a little scared. I knew I was.
Finally the elevator stopped on the first floor, and I took a left and hurried out the door and on to the “ravine,” which is a raised concrete open area between the twin towers of Lincoln and Washington. From what I remember I waited there for a while, until I looked around and saw the same kind of super-soldiers setting up gun turrets and fortifying the ravine. This didn’t make sense. If we were supposed to get out because of a supposed bomb, why would the soldiers be doing this? I wanted answers.
I began walking over to the crouched group of soldiers. Suddenly one of them looked up, and I didn’t like the look he gave me. I took a step back.
“Here, you’re not supposed to be here!” he yelled at me. He rose to his feet, and his buddies did the same. Somehow I didn’t think they were there for personal well-being.
“Uh, guys, I just kind of got lost. Would you know where everyone else went?” They began to move towards me, and my voice cracked. “Well, hey, you know, I’ll go find them on my own. Sorry to bother you.” I began to turn away, and the three soldiers drew their guns and began chasing me. Without needing and encouragement, I ran. I didn’t know where I was running, because Lincoln Hall didn’t seem very familiar. I raced across the ravine and took a left, trying to shake them. I took another left, and then to my horror I found myself in a dead-end. I looked behind me, and the number of solders chasing me had increased.
I took a deep breath. Suddenly I had idea I could fly; I could spread my arms and began to soar up into the sky. I didn’t rise too fast, as I didn’t really have a lot of control over my flying abilities, but I was going higher into the sky and away from the soldiers. That was all I cared about. I began to pick up speed, and to consider where I should go help.
Then, up ahead, I could see a huge cliff in my way. I mean it was huge, like the kind Wily E. Coyote falls off of. This didn’t seem like a problem, but I got closer to it, I realized I was flying too low. The cliff stretched forever in either direction, so there was no hope in going around it. I had to try to go over it. I pleaded with myself to got higher, but my body just wouldn’t cooperate. Almost at the cliff now, I still needed about another feet of elevation to clear it. I wasn’t going to make it. I braced myself for the impact upon rock, then there was a violent crash of me into the side of the cliff. I was a fly hitting the windshield. I glanced off the wall of earth and fell to my doom.
“Are you alright?” is what I remember hearing from near me. I opened my eyes, and secretary Heather from the CSC house was leaning over me. I groaned and felt the throbbing bump on my head. The room was dark, she being the only one there. “Are you alright, Will?” she asked again.
“Huh?” I muttered. “Yeah, I think I am.” I rose from the bed and tried to stand. I walked to the door without saying anything else. Suddenly I was standing on a wooden porch that overlooked a body of water. Now, I don’t mean there was a lake that was next to the house, I mean the water came up to the porch. I was actually kind of beautiful, with the moon’s light reflecting off of the water as far as I could see. I hadn’t been standing there very long when I noticed Tom and Craig sitting on the porch to the left and right, respectively.