April 20, 1999 Tuesday
For the weekend I busied myself by continuing to work on my new website, Secondrateparadise. The site is chock full of my song lyrics, poems, stories, and some interesting bits about me, as well as some excerpts from Is Anybody Out There? and Memoirs.
You know, all in all, I’m not doing too bad. Although the issues that I previously brought up are still in the back of my mind, I know it will be alright. For example, when I went to the Saturday night writing class last time, Jessa Seal, said she had shown a copy of my lyric “While Away” to a friend, and she friend wants to meet me just because of the song. More than anything else, I am glad I was able to touch someone with my writing, because what other reason is there?
Also, I have found comfort from an unlikely source. Last week while eating in Lincoln I was about to open my fortune cookie, when I paused, looked down at it, and thought, Please give me something good. Strange right? I should be checked in a padded room? The fortune said, “Your dearest wish will come true.” I like to think that little novelty dessert was meant for me.
I am well aware, that, if these entries are ever compiled into a full, final volume (Should it just all be wrapped under the silly title of, let’s say, Life, a Fish, and Something to Tap Your Toe To as We Ride?) it will be a long, confounding, and contradictory read. This semester hasn’t been the most fascinating of times. Okay, the truth is a dry sponge is more interesting than these last few months. But I’m a trooper, I guess. Whatever. Maybe in a perfect world the Fourth Floor would still be together. But let’s take this to the extreme. I would have a lot more people now than I do if this was a perfect world. But it’s only a secondrateparadise. Reality is that Tom is Quincy, Collinsville is boiling away in RA-land over in Higgins, relationships with Alex and others was scrapped because of my own fears, Friend Sara remains an enigma now walled-off, D is probably over in Kosovo or something, Aaron is across campus, Hoke is presumable at Bradley though I wouldn’t know if he wasn’t, I haven’t heard from Sidney in any form whatsoever in months I didn’t send her an card, electric or otherwise, for her birthday yesterday. I can’t get a peaceful night’s sleep, and writer’s block is started to seep in, and there’s still a month to go! But I’m fine.
Let’s remain positive, shall we? I have about thirty days to continue to hone my writing abilities but finishing “Bottle” and write a few new songs, as well as continue to work out and get stronger. In a month I will return to Elmwood for a short time where I will see all of the old school-chums, probably at the Class of 1999 graduation. For the summer I get to relax here in Macomb for two months while taking summer classes. Who knows, I might even be able to walk out this door and met the One the Cookie Speaks Of. I believe in you, cookie!
But let’s clear all this up. There is simply nothing going on, and I am not going to prattle on about classes because it would dull even me. There are no story lines to continue or even begins. There are no stories, period. But I’ll do my best.