October 26, 1999  Tuesday

This being an off-day from thinking, doing, and about every other “-ing,” I settled down on the couch to read some of the ancient writings of Is Anybody Out There? and Memoirs from the Edge.  On October 31, 1996 I wrote an entry called “To All Concerned: A Letter By Me.”  This early, sobering passage dealt with how I felt people might have viewed me, and my response to it, and also how I saw myself.  Now, three years later, has any of it changed?

My name is Will Carlson.  I love music, sports, The Simpsons and nondairy creamy.  Pet peeves include boy bands (sorry Tom), Jeremy, and cracks in the sidewalk.  Turn-ons include sunsets and words beginning with “U.”  I have lived in Macomb for three years and consider this my home because I don’t have a car and thus no way to leave it ever if I wanted to.

Now let’s get back down to it.  I believe I have grown in leaps and bounds since coming here in June 1997, particularly since the summer of ’98 (did the hypnotism really do something?)  I cannot really, truly, call myself shy anymore, but I could be classified as “reserved” among people I do not know well, though I make no apologies.  I enjoy being quiet and not wasting (spoken) words.

At times I  feel quite –how should I put it?–gone.  I probably have lost some part of my mind, if just a small portion of it, thought I wonder if I am just seeing everyone without their similar shells.

I still find myself with some awkwardness, though this has been refined to around new people, and I am all right with this because it is a normal reaction for most.

How do others view me?  I don’t know.  I could guess, but it would just be a guess.  I hope that they like what they see and find.  When people see me, however cracked the shell might be, it’s me.