October 26, 1999 Tuesday
This being an off-day from thinking, doing, and about every other “-ing,” I settled down on the couch to read some of the ancient writings of Is Anybody Out There? and Memoirs from the Edge. On October 31, 1996 I wrote an entry called “To All Concerned: A Letter By Me.” This early, sobering passage dealt with how I felt people might have viewed me, and my response to it, and also how I saw myself. Now, three years later, has any of it changed?
My name is Will Carlson. I love music, sports, The Simpsons and nondairy creamy. Pet peeves include boy bands (sorry Tom), Jeremy, and cracks in the sidewalk. Turn-ons include sunsets and words beginning with “U.” I have lived in Macomb for three years and consider this my home because I don’t have a car and thus no way to leave it ever if I wanted to.
Now let’s get back down to it. I believe I have grown in leaps and bounds since coming here in June 1997, particularly since the summer of ’98 (did the hypnotism really do something?) I cannot really, truly, call myself shy anymore, but I could be classified as “reserved” among people I do not know well, though I make no apologies. I enjoy being quiet and not wasting (spoken) words.
At times I feel quite –how should I put it?–gone. I probably have lost some part of my mind, if just a small portion of it, thought I wonder if I am just seeing everyone without their similar shells.
I still find myself with some awkwardness, though this has been refined to around new people, and I am all right with this because it is a normal reaction for most.
How do others view me? I don’t know. I could guess, but it would just be a guess. I hope that they like what they see and find. When people see me, however cracked the shell might be, it’s me.